14 weeks

I am 14 plus weeks today! First trimester is over with only a hint of morning sickness! Can you believe it? I truly can not. I don't know what it's like to be pregnant without throwing up all the time. Well, I guess I know now. Man, if I would have known pregnancy could feel this good....no, I guess I still wouldn't have a 4th :)

I had a regular OB appointment today. It was uneventful. I haven't gained any weight, much to the dismay of my husband. We heard the baby's strong heartbeat. Dr. R wants me to come every week until I start feeling the baby move more. She assures me everything so far is fine but doesn't want me to be anxious. And if hearing the baby's heartbeat every week or even every day helps me, then she said I should come in. I appreciated what she was trying to do but it may be more anxiety producing to drag the kids across town every week!

I dreaded my appointment today all week. I think because the last few times I've gone to the doctor, I was given bad news. I don't want that to happen again. I'm praying and trying to believe for nothing but good reports here on out. But I can't help but feel gripped by fear and anxiety occassionally. I wasn't going to have Theo come with me but in the event something happens, I want him to be there. He has been my rock through all of this and I don't know what I would do without him.

I feel like I'm being cautiously optimistic about the baby's health. I don't want to pretend that everything is going to be fine and then have a bomb dropped on me. So right now, I'm walking a fine line between trusting God and trying not to worry. I am such a worrywart by nature that I feel like I'm doing pretty good considering what we could potentially be facing. The waiting to know things is by far the hardest part. Waves of knots in my stomach, uncertainty about the baby's future, our future, not knowing what to plan for, thinking our entire lives could be altered, those are all hard to deal with. I will be glad to finally have some answers even if the outcome is less than what we hope for. At least then I'll know what to expect.

Don't get me wrong, I am so relieved the baby's first trimester screen came back normal and the baby will most likely not have Down's or one of the other trisomies. But that one test doesn't rule out a whole list of other possibilities the baby might have. And as far as the baby having a heart defect, it will be another month at least before we know that. One more month of waiting. This is one drawback to being in the medical field....I know enough to make myself dangerous. My tendency is to research everything to death and subsequently make myself literally sick with worry. I've given up researching everything at this point but all I have already seen is still in the back of my mind.